Well here it is. I have now finished living six decades and now into my seventh decade of life. Am I happy? No fucking way.
While 60 sure doesn’t feel like I thought it would. I would much rather be 20 years younger. When I turned 40 I was feeling good. Probably looked the best that I ever did. It was the time I was my happiest.
I havent’t been here with my musings lately. It’s been a rough few months. I ended up losing the place I was living and now while I’m not on the streets, I am no longer on the island. Now I’m living with my brother in the house that I was raised. Sleeping in the room that my Mom and Dad slept in until passed. Mom was there until she passed. And now it’s mine.
I really should paint it. I have no idea when it was last painted. Probably 20 years ago.
Yes, I suppose I am rambling. But wasn’t that part of what I was going to do on here?
So I think I’ll start again with those ramblings. Since I often don’t have anything particular to write. Yes, that’s also part of the reason I have been away from this for all of these months. Nothing to say.
Or rather probably plenty to say but not sure how to say it without ramblings. So maybe instead of thinking this as being a place to put down my Musings. I’ll just put don’t ramblings.
So here I am. Looking to ramble on in my 7th decade.
And what came to mind as I wrote this, “Ramble On” by Led Zeppelin – So that’s how I’ll close
I have to say it’s has never really been a special day for me. I suppose mostly because I really never had the Love of My Life. And now at nearly 60, I’m not sure that I ever will.
Yes, I have had relationships that have gone through the middle of February. I have had Valentine’s Dates. Dinners that I remember fondly and after activities that I have enjoyed thoroughly. But none that was so special on that day to be considered a Day for Lovers.
I have nothing against Valentine’s Day. I am sure that for many it’s a very joyful, loving day. One that will forever have a special meaning. I have a friend who was proposed to on that date. Even though she is no longer with him, she has told me that she looks back on that day as one of the highlights of her life.
What will I be doing this evening on Valentine’s Day? As of right now I really have no idea, other than sitting in my comfy chair, probably with a nice hot cup of coffee and watching the TV. I heard that there may be Olympic Curling this evening on the TV.
Does it mean I’ll be lonely hearted? Not at all. I have a few male friends, female friends too, who may also be alone tonight that I could invite to be with me. I just am in the mood to spend it alone.
I just heard that it it said that 80% of the New Year’s resolutions have gone by the wayside by the 2nd week in February. Well here it is the 2nd week of February and I have to say that mine haven’t gone by the way side. That’s because I didn’t really make any.
I set goals. The biggest one was just to survive the year. It’s been a tough beginning of the New Year. A few things haven’t fell into place as well as I would want. The cold winter has cost me more than I would have hoped. The bank account is nearing zero. But I’m alive to write this so it’s not all bad.
As I write this, I am watching the CBS Sunday Morning show, yes that’s where I heard about the little tidbit about New Year’s Resolution, and listening to the rain fall. I am glad it’s rain and not snow. If it was snow I imagine I would be stuck here for quite awhile. Which to be honest, I may anyway. I have no place to go, no one to see. And it’s time for the Olympics. Although I haven’t watched much so far. I did see the US win their first ever metal in male single luge this morning. Congratulations to Chris Mazdzer.
I’m looking forward to watching more of my favorite sport of the winter games. Curling. Why is it my favorite? I really don’t know. Does anyone really know why they like one thing and could care less about another? The one thing in the Olympics I could care less about is Figure Skating.
I guess I’ll be fine as long as the potato chips, coffee and can soup lasts. And the best part of 60 degree day of rain in February, it’s warm enough to be nude without shivering.
It was on February 10, 1971 that Carole Kings second, and most popular, album Tapestry was released.
It was released Ode Records and produced by Lou Adler. With over 25 million albums sold it is one of the best-selling albums of all time.
The album received four Grammy Awards in 1972, including Album of the Year. The lead single from the album — “It’s Too Late”/”I Feel the Earth Move” — spent five weeks at number one.
You’ve Got a Friend” written by Carole King, and was included in her album Tapestry of 1971, but was made famous by James Taylor’s cover version the same year. Taylor’s rendition, released as a single from his own 1971 album Mud Slide Slim and the Blue Horizon. The song won the Grammy for Song of the Year.
When I decided to begin this writing adventure, telling my story as I move nearer to the age of 60 and that cross-over, I thought I would be more active. At least a couple of times a week and not skipping ahead more than a week.
It’s not that I really did anything to keep me away I just didn’t come here to post anything.
Maybe I should look what happened in music in the 70’s and post about that. Ummmmm Not a bad idea.
Even though winter doesn’t really seem to be the right time of the year to be nude, especially with the temperatures below freezing, I still spend a lot of my time naked. In fact, as I am writing this, I am sitting at my office desk naked as the day I was born. Now I’m sure you really don’t want to have the thought of a big old lady sitting naked at her desk in your mind, but it is a fact of my life. I really hate clothes.
It seems that here in America, and yes even on the Eastern Shore, nudity is something to be keep out of public. Just look at the case in Ocean City, where there was much ado about nothing about toplessness on the beach. When you look at some of the bathing suits. They hardly cover anything. And if it”s fair for a guy with big bouncing man-boobs to be on the beach topless, why not a woman?
We should get over the idea that many have that being nude equals sex. For those of us who are naturist it’s just a way to feel free. It’s only about sex if that’s the only time you are nude.
The Guess Who was one of the first bands I loved especially American Woman which was released in 1970 when Randy Bachman was still the giuitarist for the band. He would leave shortly after American Woman was released. He would join with BF Turner as Bachman-Turner to release some more great songs.
This Video is of the classic Guess Who when they got back together in 2000 for a tour. One of the best live versions I’ve ever heard (or seen).
And as an added extra feature – American Woman live, albeit edited, version from the 70’s
To be honest the title isn”t really appropriate, since I’m not in the mood for anything. I’m actually in a mood.
I know that at times I got through bouts of depression. And right now I’m going through one of those episodes. I have never been able to afford going to see someone about them. Often I will self treat myself. One thing I have been able to avoid is self-medication. I’m not one to take a bottle of booze off the the self and drink myself in to a drunken stupor. Although I have seen people do that.
Usually for me I will just crawl up into a ball. Well that’s more of a metaphor, since I don’t actually crawl up into a ball. What I will usually do is just sit in my comfy chair and stay inside. Sometimes I will just mope. Other times I will sit in front of the TV and binge watch. Although the binge watching may be a channel and not a show.
I usually know when I get into a mood. Most of the times I have no idea what put me into it, nor what I can do to get out of them. I guess one bright spot is that I do acknowledge that I am in one. That sure wasn’t always the case.
I’m sitting here writing this and in a way, I am feeling better. Which is a good thing, I suppose. But I still feel like shutting out the world and just hide from it.
Is it the weather? The time of the month? Just my life in general? These are always questions I have and I never do seem to come up with an answer.
But for me, I’m going to put this away. Turn on the TV and get lost for awhile. It”s usually not too long.’
There were a lot of groups that I followed closely in the 70’s. But the Ian Anderson led, Jethro Tull, was not one of them. I really don’t know why? I suppose they are one of those artists that have to grow on you.
This You-Tube video is from a 1977 concert at the old Cap Center in DC.
Looking back on last night, I wish that having a weird dream did happen. What actually occurred was that as I was settling in to get some sleep an old relationship came to mind. And it was there all night.
Without getting into too much detail, just after I came back to live on the shore and before my days and night were spent being a caregiver, I started a relationship with a man. He was unhappily married. There were reasons for him not leaving the relationship that had turned more into living as roommates than a married couple. Something I understood and accepted.
We enjoyed many hours together. Our love for each other was exchanged. I really do believe he loved me. Maybe he still does. And in a certain way I loved him too. But I decided that things were getting too serious and ended the relationship. In a way it was the hardest decision I ever made. I loved our time together and the sex was quite satisfying.
Many thoughts came to mind last night. From the day we met to the day until I told him that we should just be friends and not lovers. Remembering the good times and the sex. Wondering if even after calling it off things would have been different if I had more free time. We talked about getting together as friends, but our schedules never seemed to come together. As I thought back on it, I’m thinking it may have been me not wanting the schedule to mesh.
The thoughts kept the sleep away. Finally around 3am I napped for a bit before the sun came out to say ‘Hello Sunshine’
I haven’t seen him for a couple of months. Part of me wants to see him again. Another part says let it go. Even as I write this I don’t know what to do. I’ll probably do nothing other than think about him from time to time.